14:17 Three kinds of interesting

(This note in English; beg your pardon.)

There are three kinds of interesting, regarding people and personal encounters -- toes, pants and brains. By the way, this observation is doubly gender neutral: you may be of any gender you like, ditto the other party.

  • Toes is when somebody whets your appetite: you dip your toes in, probing for "bathable", and finding that yes, this is interesting; there really might be something here -- worth another sample and giving it another limb. Generally, you may find that many don't live up even to this criterion.

  • Pants is, quite literally, "you're so hot you are wetting my pants!" interesting, by whatever means that takes. Depending on who you are and your present state of thirst and longing, you may find that either very few or very many (perhaps even the better part of people of the preferred sex) fall in this category.

  • And then there is brains, signifying people who marinate your brains, stimulating, recharging, boosting, energizing or otherwise empowering your mind. Depending on your social networking skills and habits, you typically either encounter these people very rarely, or rather frequently.

This is where uncontradictable truths end and I ramble on about my own opinions from my own perspective. You are all invited (and indeed encouraged) to feel differently.

Good life is much about spending decent amounts of ring time with "brains" people, not drying up and crumbling down between "pants" encounters, and feeding limbs to and sampling "toes" people, trying to find their colours and contours. And, of course, spending enough of the rest of the time with yourself; other people are not the bread and butter of life, just the butter -- it's a bring your own bread life. Which incidentally also keeps you in the loop; if you would stop bringing your own bread to the party, you would hardly be the butter of anybody else's life, nor would they find any reason to be the butter of yours. It's a closed circle, after all, and you can either opt in or out of it.

On encountering (or brushing past) people netside (which is a so much more crowded place than the real world, where there is mostly measurable distances between any two people, even in a street in New York City around noon or on a bus in urban India), I rarely pay attention to people that wet neither toes, nor pants, nor brains, and neither expect nor want to be treated any other way myself. It's a mutual relevance filtering of the world, optimising for spending attention and energy to best net effect.

Generally, it works great; in the real world, on the face of the earth, and in the netside world, on communities, diaries and blogs alike. Especially if you have been granted (or granted yourself) the privilege of sub-astral looks, so you don't immediately wet the pants of mostly every second person that eyes you. (These people generally solve the issue by developing a keen sense of ignorance, shaking off any non-wanted attention quicker than they even got it.)

But there is one particular sore spot where it does not work very well, at least for me, and that is dating sites. Maybe it's the combination of a really poor (both in the sense of "not rich and stimulating" and in the sense of "cumbersome and round-about") channel for communicating all the subtleties of a good match, along with the very dire frustration of wanting so badly to find that match, that joins forces to bring down the balance of the system; I don't know. Irrelevant people swarm and fawn over one another in blissful ignorance of the wets.

Ground rule for approaching: mind your wets and mind theirs; if something perked your curiosity, dig there, and you will find your chances of perking theirs much larger than if you prompt them to fill you in on their recent business, et cetera. Unless you aim for "pants", in which case looks and attitude probably do enough talking: develop some subject of common interest, please?

And don't forget to bring the bread! You won't butter up anything without some decent bread. Ever.

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